Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
