sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize