my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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