I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
