Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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