Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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