I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
