She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
