If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
