drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
