Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
