you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
