Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize