Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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