Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They have beer where we have blood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
