adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
