Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize