Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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