She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
