i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
