summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
