my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
