Welp...herpes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
