Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
