Are we in a gay sports bar?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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