im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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