She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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