You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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