Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
