walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
