Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
