Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
