I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i walk over a car last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
