Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
