I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
