i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
