As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize