take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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