soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
