I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
