it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
