Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
