Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
