the condom got lost in my hair
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
