It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
