man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
