We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
