I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize