the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
