I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
