I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
