Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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