There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
