he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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