So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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