I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My feet surprised me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
