I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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