if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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