Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She said her name was "party"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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