i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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