your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
