This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
