I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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