so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
