Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
