Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
