I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
