Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
