Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
