I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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