i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My vagina is officially offended.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
