dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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